BATH TIME SABOTAGE

  
          I remember bath time with my little boys (15 months apart) who were one and two and a half.  Both boys were blessed at birth with more creativity in their pinkies than most people see in their entire lives. And yeah, yeah,  I know I'm biased, but that does not mean that I'm not accurate! Creativity is good when tempered with sound judgement.  May I say that a one year old and two and a half year old have not quite attained their good judgement yet?  But they did ooze creative (and dare I say...destructive) ideas that bounced off the walls like their happy meal toys.   Evening bath time was the joy of my day.  They splashed and played with their harmless water toys while I was able to gather nighttime diapers, footie pajamas, and their bed time books. One night I sat on the foot of my bed listening to the giggles and shouts of joyful laughter coming from the bathtub.  I was blessed.  I had three (later to be four) happy, smart children.  I loved hearing the laughter of the little guys.  

         When at least 5 minutes of uninterrupted laughter continued to erupt from the bathroom, my "Mommy Radar"  started to beep suspiciously.  Not a single argument for 5 minutes?  There was something amiss!  I poked my head around the door and was met with the most shocking transformation. The walls of the bathroom were covered with huge white globs every few inches!  Splat!  Here came another one!  I looked at Stephen and Preston proudly standing in what can only be described as a tub full of white gravy!  It was this substance that they were gathering in their hands like sloppy snowballs and heaving at the tiles.  Each Splat was followed by happy, congratulatory laughs.  What had transformed their bath water?   My eyes landed on the toilet and I had my answer.  A large sanitary napkin draped halfway out of the toilet.  I remembered that I had purchased a box at Sams large enough to last until menopause.  The previously unopened box was now empty.  I'm sure my creative geniuses opened the box delighted to find an endless supply of boats.  Then there was the added bonus that when submerged in warm water long enough, they turned into a white gelatin-like gravy.  Would the fun never end?
         I'm pretty sure that none of my parenting books had a chapter on how to react to sanitary napkin destruction.  Of course, now I know what I should have done.  I should have dropped everything and found the camera.  Think about how normal most family photographs look.  In truth, these are the moments that SHOULD be captured on film...forever immortalized.  But the shock and uncertainty that face a young mother at moments like this prevent the clear thinking that would have eventually led to the camera.  Oh well, trust me when I tell you it was a unique moment for our little guys.
         Have you ever tried to empty a bathtub full of gelatin?  It was a slow process that required Mommy to continuously strain the substance and throw the globs in a bucket.  Then the water would move about a half inch.  Strain...slap in the bucket....water moves....repeat.  As my little angels soundly slept the satisfying sleep of one who has accomplished much, I was still in the bathroom....strain.....scoop in the bucket....water moves....repeat.  The toilet wasn't quite as bad, but it was obvious that the plunger would need to be part of the toilet ritual for a few days.

          As I eagerly wait for the arrival of my first grandchild I finally feel free to release these stories.  It is too late for Sandra and Mark to change their minds.  The baby is almost here.  For those without children or grandchildren perhaps we should post these stories with this warning.  ATTENTION:  Contraceptive side-effects.